What do you say when it's over?

Today, I begin a time of independence. Some call it unemployment - what an ugly word - and the irony is that I am currently very employed indeed. Of course, I do need to find that next consuming thing. Of course, the bills need paying and Belgian air can become a little too thick. But, when you fall off a horse, it's not necessarily always the best thing just to jump right back on. Riding is not for everyone. There is that thing about the Stockdale Paradox (MP3 Download) too. Face up to any dark reality, knowing that somehow you will prevail.

I am lucky to have been given time to consider and a "cabinet" to help (not yet proven to be a wooden thing that stands dumb in a corner but that delightful French term for a consultancy firm). In the coming weeks, I will share elements of my time in the furniture business. Therapy is often best practised in groups. I'm not at all sure how entertaining this will end up but writing some of it down might help someone. There are a lot of us about.

This first foray into the ether, is to say hello and share a problem. What do you say to a lover you are leaving after 20 years? My company has been somewhat like a lover to me so I don't feel embarrassed to use the analogy. We have had great times, shared hardships too, had blazing rows, brought some offspring to maturity and buried others prematurely. But the spark has gone. It's better we all move on and find someone else.

To begin, I wanted to be very fashionable and have a party. I thought just a drink wouldn't be enough. After all, I had a lot of friends to invite and years to celebrate. Remember the fashion of holding a divorce event? I even made a guest list. Then, decided that many of the professional friends I had would be unlikely to have been my friends outside the office and the best of them wouldn't feel like celebrating anyway. So no party then.

Then, came the obligatory farewell mail. But what do you say? One of the few new resolutions I take to my new life is brutal honesty. I have read so many of "those mails" before. I could not write what would have been expected of me. It's not that I have not had a great and fulfilling time in so much of what I did. I have fantastic memories of events and personalities, of triumphs and lessons learned. But on reflection, these need to be treasured like a box of memories and not paraded to a long list of people, for most of whom they hold little interest or power to inspire. So the mail hit the dust too.

So where have I finally settled? I have decided to blog. Folks can come, read and share should they wish and not if they don't. The ultimate opt-in. I get to write stuff and those who want to care and stay in touch get to hear what's the story. And this story has a way to run yet.

And here's the first reward. Just a song that captures how I think I feel and the city in which I felt it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQl3WQQoQ0